Sunday, June 27, 2010

the pain of identifying with a viewpoint..

this has been happening over and over.. recently i found out that someone close to me had a big secret. A secret they'd been keeping for decades, never telling anyone (that I know of), well it was finally revealed to a few folks and when i found out I immediately created a story and it went something like this. This person is such a secret keeper, so always trying to look good, they probably have more secrets, i don't even really know them, basically that they were wrong for keeping the secret .. I discussed this yesterday with a friend and it was remarkable what I discovered, the friend had a completely different viewpoint than I did. She felt deep compassion for the shame that must have caused the person to keep the secret, in fact she had a similar situation in her life and knew the deep shame that often accompanied this situation.

I was floored, always am when there is a seeing of how attached one can become to a particular viewpoint and story. In the moment of seemingly relishing in being right and making the other wrong (although i don't see it that way in the moment, it just seems rational) I do not consider that there could be another way of seeing it much less that there is an infinite number of ways of seeing the situation. When I am centered, feet on the ground, resting in my true nature, clear, not in story but feeling the "reality of unity" rather than the illusion of seperateness - that there is only one life, expressed in 7 Billion forms, it is so clear that compassion is the only sane response to anyone, for anything, ignorance/unconsciousness is the only sin - (an archery term that means missing the mark).
Compassion is the only sane response, compassion is the only sane response, compassion is the only sane response!

Immersion in emotion and the story the mind conjures up and the conditioning that is triggered - I am not safe, I am under threat (betrayed, abandoned), I am inadequate, insufficient and stupid for not seeing it coming.. it feels like I will die from this.. even though really it is almost never a real life threatening incident.

But emotionally it feels like I'll die, like I am dying, when someone says one thing and does another, does not show up, is late, makes plans and breaks them, says they love you and behaves in a way that does not feel loving, does not help you, show up for you, show emotional support, have compassion and tenderness, is harsh or judgmental and critical, ignores you, does not communicate clearly, is checked out and not paying attention or available to connect, connects for a short time and then just loses interest and energetically leaves without saying anything.

These are the types of emotional situations/interpretations of incidents (stories, viewpoints, perspectives) that trigger deep hurt, anger, & self protectiveness that is unresolved from the past. I surges up in the present and so often I feel it is happening to me and not for me..
But the truth is everything is happening for me, not to me.. Everything is happening for me, not to me. Everything is happening to FOR me, not to me...

The events in the present that trigger the beliefs and stories that I adopted most likely in childhood (when we think everything is about us) arise to be MET in the present. Here is the key that I've discovered.. that which is unresolved arises to be MET, because wholeness is our true nature. When it arises if we just stay in the cesspool of the mind, circling, nothing is resolved, when is arises it must be MET by this center, presence, the ground of being, love, compassion (in AA we say give it to God, same thing).

So it happened again today, it was really intense. Someone in my life is not showing up in a loving responsible reliable way. I could go on and on with the story but the bottom line is whatever they are doing, is triggering a story that feels like my survival is threatened. I feel that they're not showing up, not doing what they say they will, flaking out, not communicating, I feel lied to, decieved, I can't trust them, not only do i feel threatened but I feel hurt, insignificant, not considered, not loved, alone, and all of that is the result of identifying with a viewpoint. It is really painful!!
So i lash out, attack, communicate my pain, ask for what i want and then take a deep breath. I remember the event of yesterday when my friend related another viewpoint to me and the spaciousness that opened up..

Our true nature is this spaciousness- infinite viewpoints, compassion, a realization of oneness.
Deep breath.. this is an opportunity to heal, to let presence touch these parts in my conditioning that get triggered by a story, believe the story, let it act as a law unto this life by simply believing in it..

the viewpoint is not reality, all viewpoint are valid, all 7 billion of them, but none are true, believing the story creates a movement away from true nature or at least it seems that way, off center, missing the mark, right out of the garden of eden..

taking that time now, to be tender with myself, notice the tension in my body- breath there, let the sweetness that loves on my boys touch on the hurting one within, the disappointed one, the one that feel ignored and not considered, just an innocent misunderstanding, the only sane response is compassion. Let the healing happen within - let presence touch all of this..
with tender kisses..

in the end i can say thank you for the person and situation that allowed this to arise to be healed, released, resolved, seen clearly..

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