Saturday, July 10, 2010

life without a reference point..

Humanity seems to be playing the game of opposites.. most of life it seems is about striving to have one experience while avoiding another. We want comfort not struggle, security over uncertainty, love without loss, community rather than isolation, achievement not failure, abundance as opposed to lack, freedom certainly over bondage... boil it all down and basically we want to feel good all the time and not feel bad. I've heard it said that we humans are wired for pleasure, it's how we are made, so even when we are actually doing something that may be "bad" or harmful, we "think" it makes us feel good.

The practice of inquiring into ones beliefs about what is "good" and what is "bad", what is helpful, harmful, successful, really can lead into a deep looking at what is life all about really.. what is the point? why are we here? what's actually happening?

When i ask myself if something is bad or good, i find myself looking at conditioning, beliefs, that's all, seeing that there is no truth to calling it good or bad, just the thinking makes it so..

We have a great example of this in AA, when someone hits bottom with drugs or alcohol and comes into an AA meeting, usually there is drama, families torn apart, jail, overdosing, violence, or at the very least intense internal drama, self hatred, destruction of the body and trauma to the psyche. Some people would call this "bad", but when someone walks into AA and tells their story of whoa, the details of which actually brought them to this point of admitting they have a problem and opening them to be able to adopting a spiritual way of life, we clap and tell them we are glad they are here. We know that these "bad" things are really a doorway to their transformation and spiritual awakening.

So what happens when one no longer knows what is "good" or "bad", helpful or harmful.. what if losing your job results in opening you up to new possibilities? What if debt and financial devastation, helps us see what is really important in life in a way that success never could? What if illness and grief, loss and lack, struggle and failure are really our doorways?

This is happening.. the belief system is fading, there is less and less referencing to the past.. instead there is just this noticing that life is happening.. sometimes it still seems like it's happening to "me" and then i notice the old tendency to avoid it if it is labeled bad, move away from it.. but so often now the old pattern is just not believed, not followed.. so i've been sitting in grief, sadness and loss, seems i've never been so willing and able to allow what's here to be here, allow it fully, say yes to it.. find out what it actually is... sit in the discovery... so here i sit, noticing a huge piece of conditioning- about what marriage is, what divorce is, what family is, what security is, what it is to be in long term committed partnership and what it means when it all falls apart, what actually dies and what is born from the ashes.. what does one see when there is no referencing the past?
anything in your life that is being labeled? is it true that it's good or bad... ever notice when we tell ourselves.. "this should not be happening!" yet it is.. how about that..

1 comment:

  1. Hey Cousin! You're such a deep thinker. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. As I was reflecting on this, I think bad is still bad and good is still good. They don't change. But sometimes, as you say, bad comes from something good--because we live in a fallen world. Yet good also comes sometimes from bad--that's redemption: God's on-going, faithful work in our world. He's the reference point and the One Who defines. Thanks for giving me something to think on! Take care of yourself. Me