Sunday, October 9, 2011

let me tell you what i need to hear..

Great clarity for me usually comes when I'm talking with someone.. it comes pouring out.. it happened today.. I was talking with a friend about her relationship with her child's dad. She had lots of concern, judgement, fear, points of view about how he was not doing whatever she thought he should be... OH how I related.. what a habit this has been for me.. especially with my kids daddy. Sadly I spent almost a decade doing this.. focusing on what he was doing wrong, should be doing this and not that.. it took a long time to start to notice what was happening within.. to allow it to just be.. to get clear that what's happening for me is not caused by a person, thoughts, or experience.. what a journey resting in openness beyond causation...

Recently I had an opportunity to get very clear about how i want to show up and what kind of life i want to have.. I committed 100% to harmony and unity in all my relating, I gave up the right to feel victimized by others, experiences and my own thoughts and stories. Yes, this came after I looked very deeply and honestly at this lifetime pattern of relying on external things (that change all the time) for my sense of well being.. people, my ideas, my expectations, my assessments... what was the result of this? anguish, disappointment, rage, resentment, judgement, separation, broken relationships, heart break, suffering... tremendous detriment to myself and others..
I got clear about what was not working, I committed to relying on the intelligence of my core being, my authentic self, clarity. I learned how to practice daily simply resting as this awareness, for short moments many times.. until it was continuous. This is what I've been doing for some time now.

Here's the new paradigm, commit to knowing myself at my essence, not the idea of what I am, my story about what i am, my history or descriptions about me... what am i fundamentally, my true nature, what am I when i stop thinking and just notice... awareness.. presence... what's here. the more I can rely on what I actually am.. the more i can notice open space, stillness, well being. the more i do this.. the more i notice it.. what you focus on expands.. so focus on what you want... truth, well being, joy, liberation.

As i listened to my friend talk about all the descriptions about her kids dad, he this and he that... my heart felt so much compassion for her, i felt so much love.. and I saw really clearly the only sane choice.. commit to harmony and unity in all of our relating, emphasize what you appreciate about the person, what you are grateful for rather than all the descriptions about what they are or are not doing.. in noticing the descriptions.. i may notice what arises in me, sadness, anger, fear, etc.. simply relax with this as best as i can as often as i can, let it be, let it float by like a leaf in a river... wave at it.. say hi, but don't pick it up and make it real or significant.

When i was really immersed in this suffering I thought my suffering was caused by him, if only he'd do _______, then i'd be happy.. But really my suffering is of my own making, it comes from forgetting who i am, moving away seemingly from the fundamental well being that I am and running off into the story of how this person is wrong, this situation is intolerable, I need this, i don't have that.. forgetting that I am whole complete and perfect in my true nature, well being is innate, I am beneficial by nature, we all are.

Instead of blaming and finger pointing, I take 100% responsibility for knowing who I am, relying on the Open Intelligence that I am, staying present with myself, letting thought or feelings that arise be as the are and resolve and release and I stay lovingly with myself and relax.

By focusing on what i am grateful for about my kids daddy.. committed to seeing his true nature, really seeing beyond the personality, the labels, the story.. my own judgments.. more gratitude arises, I am taking care of myself, seeing clearly, being of benefit, appreciating, i feel that i am in the flow of life, in the flow of benefit, fully allowing life to express .. What you focus on you get more of.. this increased awareness opens more and more.. if I am grateful and appreciative and see another is beneficial, kind, well meaning.. well that's what I'll be open to... that can be more and more what I experience. it makes sense, do what works, rely on what feels more true.. i want unity, so see the truth, what is underneath all the descriptions.. what's at the basis of all expression, there is this intelligence, there is awareness, it unities everything,

Sunday, October 2, 2011

Deepening my commitment...

It's so true.. the pain is in the resistance.. it's a skill to recognize this.. often i think
my suffering is caused by a thought, a feeling or some experience..

Last week was stormy and rocky, the voices of "something is wrong" were loud & convincing and I was uncomfortable and it felt like drowning in a sea of affliction..
I felt desperate and exhausted, like treading water in this endless sea of describing of my stream of thoughts, feelings and experiences..
I so wanted to deepen my capacity to recognize the perfection and well being in all the data that arises.. but i felt i kept getting derailed by these habitual patterns of resistance, rebellion, feeling victimized both internally and externally.. as if resisting discomfort actually works..

I reached out and asked for support.. I reached out to someone who had the capacity to see perfection in everything, I was looking for clarity and truth, not corroboration of any of the stories.

What kind of support was I looking for? Simply clarity, to see the truth, to remember who and what I am, to emphasis and appreciate what is always here, to acknowledge it.. to see clearly what I am doing that seems to obscure this clarity..

Here's what I got, here is the practice I am committing to, I want to share it with you and hope it is beneficial and that it unites us in this commitment to simply being and expressing more fully
what we are, seeing what's true and having that be expressed in our speech, actions, body, mind and life!

There is this opportunity in each moment to completely devote myself to love, completely open up and to go beyond any resistance or walls and open myself to this perfect love.

I am willing and committed to see with clarity these places that I hide out (lack of trust, resistance, entitlement, avoidance, indulging descriptions, rebellion against authority)
I can allow these patterns to just be, rather than allow them to influence me to shut down to love.

Whenever I remember I can acknowledge my fundamental beneficial nature. All of our fundamental beneficial nature.. the purpose of life is to benefit ourselves and others.

how do i do this??
willingness to -be of service and
-tapping into this ever flowing stream of gratitude that is always present no matter how we feel or what we think
-acknowledgement and expression of what is going well, acknowledging progress with relying on my own Open Intelligence rather than on the conditioned descriptions and commentary.
(get beyond how i think it should look, how i think things or people should be)
-Recognize and directly experience a connection that's deeper..

Often I wonder.. if I am not constantly describing thoughts, feelings and experiences.. what wil I actually talk about with others?? This too is a opportunity to rely on my own Open Intelligence, moment to moment when speaking with others, there is a natural presence, an interest in others and their lives, I may not necessarily be commenting, but there is an easy listening, a natural relating in a beneficial way, a caring attitude, a lightness.

action - deepen the commitment to my own OI (Open Intelligence)
make that choice, deepen in recognition of stability of always present OI, take responsibility, confirm that commitment.

whatever resistance arises, it does not have the power to control me, data (thoughts, feelings & experiences) does not have the power to influence my behavior, if i commit to deepen in recognition of OI with taking short moments to open and let everything be clarified.

this is the primary directive....
action - instead of describing data.. feel a heartfelt openness and gratitude.
test this out by allowing everything to be as it is.. allowing OI to pervade all POV (points of view), feel the gratitude and express it.

I realize that while i used to feel "aliveness" in describing data, ( how I feel, what I think, what I am experiencing) this is unsatisfying now..
I can commit to recognizing 'true aliveness' in my own Open Intelligence, true joy, stability, well being, & true benefit.

This daily practice feels very accessible and supportive, I can and want to do this...
this feels like huge progress to me, this ever deepening commitment to seeing OI in all data..
See how this works.. as i acknowledge Open Intelligence, i can relax and let the data be as it is.. as I relax and let it be, there is a recognition of this perfect love that is my true nature. magical

So here goes, i am very grateful: for the clarity expressed here, for my community, my mentors, the teaching of balanced view.
I am grateful for all that arises now, all situations just as they are... for my kids and all they bring to this process, for all of the support that i receive from so many sources.
I am so grateful for this practice of resting and opening to what's here, open and let it be clarified,
that i have the clarity that i am not a victim of any of my data, that i can take 100% responsibility for recognizing the Open Intelligence in everything.
I am so grateful that I asked for more support and I got it, for the kindness and gentleness, for the
warmth and respectfulness and all of our open hearts!
I so appreciate that I have people in my life who look at me and see perfection, that is so supportive!! I actually have several people that see this consistently for me, I am blessed!
I am so committed to truth and this daily practice is just what I needed to recognize this fire that burns in me ....

So happy to hear from you, to hear your feedback..

with love,