Recently I had an opportunity to get very clear about how i want to show up and what kind of life i want to have.. I committed 100% to harmony and unity in all my relating, I gave up the right to feel victimized by others, experiences and my own thoughts and stories. Yes, this came after I looked very deeply and honestly at this lifetime pattern of relying on external things (that change all the time) for my sense of well being.. people, my ideas, my expectations, my assessments... what was the result of this? anguish, disappointment, rage, resentment, judgement, separation, broken relationships, heart break, suffering... tremendous detriment to myself and others..
I got clear about what was not working, I committed to relying on the intelligence of my core being, my authentic self, clarity. I learned how to practice daily simply resting as this awareness, for short moments many times.. until it was continuous. This is what I've been doing for some time now.
Here's the new paradigm, commit to knowing myself at my essence, not the idea of what I am, my story about what i am, my history or descriptions about me... what am i fundamentally, my true nature, what am I when i stop thinking and just notice... awareness.. presence... what's here. the more I can rely on what I actually am.. the more i can notice open space, stillness, well being. the more i do this.. the more i notice it.. what you focus on expands.. so focus on what you want... truth, well being, joy, liberation.
As i listened to my friend talk about all the descriptions about her kids dad, he this and he that... my heart felt so much compassion for her, i felt so much love.. and I saw really clearly the only sane choice.. commit to harmony and unity in all of our relating, emphasize what you appreciate about the person, what you are grateful for rather than all the descriptions about what they are or are not doing.. in noticing the descriptions.. i may notice what arises in me, sadness, anger, fear, etc.. simply relax with this as best as i can as often as i can, let it be, let it float by like a leaf in a river... wave at it.. say hi, but don't pick it up and make it real or significant.
When i was really immersed in this suffering I thought my suffering was caused by him, if only he'd do _______, then i'd be happy.. But really my suffering is of my own making, it comes from forgetting who i am, moving away seemingly from the fundamental well being that I am and running off into the story of how this person is wrong, this situation is intolerable, I need this, i don't have that.. forgetting that I am whole complete and perfect in my true nature, well being is innate, I am beneficial by nature, we all are.
Instead of blaming and finger pointing, I take 100% responsibility for knowing who I am, relying on the Open Intelligence that I am, staying present with myself, letting thought or feelings that arise be as the are and resolve and release and I stay lovingly with myself and relax.
By focusing on what i am grateful for about my kids daddy.. committed to seeing his true nature, really seeing beyond the personality, the labels, the story.. my own judgments.. more gratitude arises, I am taking care of myself, seeing clearly, being of benefit, appreciating, i feel that i am in the flow of life, in the flow of benefit, fully allowing life to express .. What you focus on you get more of.. this increased awareness opens more and more.. if I am grateful and appreciative and see another is beneficial, kind, well meaning.. well that's what I'll be open to... that can be more and more what I experience. it makes sense, do what works, rely on what feels more true.. i want unity, so see the truth, what is underneath all the descriptions.. what's at the basis of all expression, there is this intelligence, there is awareness, it unities everything,
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