There we stood in a circle, 10 or so of us, about the business of creation..
here's the setting, the plot, the story.. you be the saint, i'll be the evil one, you the condemner, you the victim, we went around the circle assigning roles.. characteristics, scenarios, we created a language, agreeing on what meant what, we formed a tribe, a culture, procedures, laws, decided the meaning of things..
we all looked at each other, winked and said, "ok, let's do it".
And we jumped into our creation running every possible human expression, every scenario, we played it out 100 Trillion ways, over and over and over... This went on and on..
Now I get it.. having finally seen the opening scene of this act of creation.... it was obvious that everything was merely a creation, a set of characters, scenarios, scenes.. over and over and over.. it was like discovering the Rosetta Stone, the code was broken, the endless stream of thinking that i was the character and that's all that I was.
For so long, it's been confusing, like I've been watching a movie but i missed the first 20 minutes, so I did not really get what the point was... but having seen the whole movie now, it was clear that nothing really meant what I thought it did, we gave everything the meaning it had, it was only what we had created and agreed on, it was an endless game, apparently we wanted to have every experience, to play every role, explore all aspects in this game of life, feel everything, our formless nature pouring itself over and over into all forms, tasting everything, like one giant smorgasbord..
Suddenly it seemed exhausting.. E n o u g h.... I finally said.. this is stupid, enough! In the peering through this looking glass it seemed that all that had happened, the totality of evolution.. somehow squished into 2 hours... an eternity of scenes, including all of creation occurring all at once, very rapidly, overlapping and all at the same time... Enough.. it was overwhelming.. make it stop.. this is stupid.. enough...
But it did not stop, no one could make it stop, they couldn't ... it was happening.. a voice whispered, relax.. relax... breathe, come back to your heart JoAnne, just see what is here, just look, what is seeing, what is looking?? Remember the opening scene???
I saw later that it's not the scenarios that are stupid, it's not the situations or people that actually cause our deep fear of life... It's the believing that we are the characters solely, that all that is happening are the scenes and they are happening to us.. I hate forgetting about the circle of creation, when we plan it all out, create it, assign value, decide what will happen and when.. the suffering is in forgetting that and in forgetting the wink, the agreement, what we wanted in the beginning, to taste it all, to forget and remember, forget and remember..
Remember JoAnne, remember the agreement, what is actually happening here, remember that this is the game of life, you wanted to taste it all... and while you may be experiencing it all... bliss and suffering, lack and abundance, love and betrayal, accusation and devastation, communion and deep peace... you are none of these experiences solely, they all come and go, what you are... always is... come back to the remembrance of the totality of what you are at your essence, what is untouched by all of these, pristine, the same before during and after all of life has occurred.. Remember??