There is a scene toward the end of the movie where Edward is talking to Jake and he calls Bella "his reason for existence".. I paused the movie and took a breathe and let that line wash over me..
imagine another person (who was not insane or crazy co-dependent) saying "you" were the "reason for their existence" ... it is the ultimate romantic fantasy..
In the last few years I have had some amazing experiences with love.. I have been delivered into the arms of the most exquisite unconditional love I've ever found... simply by breathing with another person and surrendering to the energy. I have blown the ceiling off again and again of the heights of sexual ecstasy again letting the energy have "me" completely. I have danced in ecstatic dance and contact improv dance and had full body energetic orgasms in a room full of people dancing.. once again there is a letting go, the energy takes me... similar to the ocean taking you when you swim in it.. the immensity the seems to swallow up the sense of small separate self (a notion in the mind) and in the ceasing of that.. there is this deep relaxation into the allness that you truly are..
When this ceasing, relaxing, letting go, melting into ecstasy & unity... happens and I am engaged with another person (yes it sometimes happens sitting in satsang) there is often a sense of mental attachment to the other. "I think" that it's somehow about them, they are opening me, like a key that opens a door. This is followed by a stream of thoughts (later when the moment has long passed) that "I" want that bliss back and I need to be in contact with that person again to get it. If I ask myself in inquiry "is that true?" do i really need that person? that experience? am I in lack? missing something? or is that love, bliss, relaxation, peace, radiance... is it available now? it is in me? or outside?
There is a deep realization that this love is what I AM. It is like gravity, it is always here, always available. Sometimes it is subtle, quiet and still, other times it is like a great storm, raging and demolishing everything in it's course. But the essence is the same, the love is always here, the bliss is always available, whether i am dancing, making love, doing yoga, washing dishes, soaking in a jacuzzi, running on the beach, or playing with my kids.. it is the ground of being, it is found in deep surrender, in the calm that comes when we stop, when awareness drops out of the mind, into the body, into the ground, into the fullness, out of form an into the emptiness.
Yes of course it takes many forms and I personally prefer the ones where I am moaning, writhing, screaming, being danced, and laughing ... feeling so light that I may float to the top of the ceiling, so expanded that what I am fills all space, liberated beyond the mind, to that place where all is exceedingly well..
So that's just what the mind does, it attaches to an idea, an experience, a person, a drug... and it says this is IT! This is what I want.. and there is a narrowing ... feels like this immensity that you are squeezes into a little box.. the ocean identifies with being a wave, the branch thinks that it exists separate from the tree, that it is growing the fruit, it is the source...
When that drug of choice (food, person, experience, whatever) is not available or quits working for you.. then the inquiry begins.. when you want it (that release from the bondage of self) so bad, you'll do anything.. simply sit and ask... is this that I am looking for not already here?
Maybe our "reason for existence" is to realize that we are it, not the little idea of what we are, a personality, an object, a body... but what we really are, our essence... what we really want is to directly experience what we actually are..
St Francis says "What you are looking for.... is what is looking".
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