Monday, May 17, 2010

opening and closing..

just noticing the patterns of opening and closing in relationships.. when we are suddenly surrendered to "being" the love that we are, life just pours itself unabashedly on those around us.. feels like being "in the flow", there is a grace and ease, it is our greatest pleasure that we are an instrument of life itself, we are "out of the way" and there is a sense of "all is well".. and then .... most often after a period of time, there is a collapse back into "concern" for the sense of separate self which brings doubt, fear, and seemingly that flow of love and generosity are cut off and are replaced by the urgent need for self-preservation... at that point compassion is the only sane response.. this is happening for me... recently in a relationship.. new relationship, incredible opening, perhaps the widest yet, the love flow was an incredible outpouring, I got poetry daily.. "you touch me, fill me, love me.. I bust open.. surge into the depths of the space between and within.. find you.. bliss.. no thing.. just it all" "show shoeing, hiking, anything with you has a yes as the answer.. tingling... that is what I want to hear" "so lovely, every part of you and your life... thanks for opening!" "your flaming innocent heart continues to melt mine away.. I am grateful to be in the shine" "What I want.. melts into you.. through you to a place that is without words.. form.. any you or me.. in this place.. Jai ma .. rules and there is no me.. no you.. just love.. kali durga ma.. " "on the plane leaving.. wondering .. full of wonder about the blessing you are in my life.. hopeful.. full of hope that in the terrain of the past I stay open to the present.. holding the love that i know in my heart.. a love that your presence in my life affirms and grows.. I bow with respect to the divine .. in you.. in me.. in all beings" " I so appreciate you and .. well your essence that flows to me and heals my soul.. so blessed!" "hot bath this morning.. so hot.. I thought of you.. burning me with your heat.. alchemically transforming form.. burning me to formlessness.. until all that is left is nowlovelightdarkbodymindpastpresent.. open" "wwwwwoooowwwww ... lovely... luscious... deep... received... given over... to the universe... grabbing you.. puling you closer.. bitten.. lips.. lust.. loins.. grabbing hair.. you.. penetrating with tingles of tongues.. moments of stillness.. pulled more deeply.. bitten.. smacked.. clawed.. swallowed whole.. you no space.. no thing.. but resonant ecstasy.. healing.. penetrating.. pounding.. pulsing into you.. receiving uuuuuuuuniverseeee thru you... wondering where you come from... being seen.. Where is there a u??? or a me??? suspended in love... this was just the first 3 weeks.. and now it is 4 months later and seemingly the window has closed.. the faucet appears to be turned off, no flow... strangely with no real reason, no fight, no resentment.. just closed.. the movement is back into self concern, feels almost like the naturalness of a change of seasons.... change in temperature, expression, color, with all the suddenness of the change of seasons, from full bloom to the appearance of dead like a tree that loses all of its leaves and sense of aliveness. And NOW? there is a noticing, that even with the change, truly the aliveness is still very much present, the fullness is undeniable .. the fire burns brightly and the heat is eternal.. and the fact is that the expression seems to change like the seasons.. yes?

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