Monday, November 9, 2009

Hello me...

There is a daily question I've had several teachers suggest I ask several times a day...
What do I really want? or How does spirit really want to express here?
I've been told to ask it on awakening and before bed, as I pause throughout the day whenever I feel frustrated, overwhelmed, reactive..
My teacher Neelam says ask only one question.. am I in the past? (conditioning, mind, reactivity) or am I Present? Am I here now?
or I am caught up in a story of what's wrong and how it should be different, letting my mind whip me around like a dog on a leash.

So like today when I arranged for childcare, drove 20 min for an appointment, found out I could not meet with the person, got frustrated and got sucked into a story about blame, inconvenience and how this should not be.
Right then I could ask myself.. What do I really want right now? I think what I want in that moment is a certain outcome, a certain circumstance, then I can rest and be peaceful.
If I believe that I need a certain outcome to be happy, peaceful, calm, then truly I am lost,
for life has it's own agenda and things often do not go as I wish they would.

Whenever I see someone doing something that gets my attention.. someone driving slowly or badly, someone behaving selfishly, doing something cruel or hurtful, a parent not tuned into or present for their child offering support and love, anything at all that I might judge.. I can instead ask myself, What do I want here?

Do I want to feel better than, justified, right? Than I can judge, lash out, label that person, separate myself from them, create distance, make up a story about them, believe it.

If I want to feel unity, compassion, love...

Then I can ask myself ... have I done that? ever? can I find that in me? usually it's always yes...
and then I notice I soften, judgment falls away, the illusion of separation melts, I feel connected, oneness, love... yes this is what I want!

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