then suddenly something calapses.... some situation occurs... or i have a thought about some circumstance in my life.. "I have to decide where to live, what am i going to do? i need to find a place to stay, my kids need to read more, OMG i need to get divorced.. i can't do that, i don't want to get divorced, that will make me a failure, I want to try harder, make it work, what am i going to do?? "
Suddenly I am seemingly carried away by the thought, feeling or experience, I notice a story about it all, identification with the story, it's about me, something is wrong and I need to think about it more, figure something out and DO SOMETHING!!
I've spent most of my life in this habit of reacting to whatever arises, whatever point of view (thought, feeling, or experience) presents itself and the story that always follows.. it may be about my body, i feel fat, i need to exercise more, i need to firm up... i need to eat better, feed my kids healthier food, be more creative with them... i need to start working, make some money, contribute more, serve more... it's a constant never ending stream of data that is always running.. be more, do more, have more.. it's power is really fueled by this underlying core belief that well being, natural perfection, contentment... is not here now, it could not possibly be here now, something is wrong, something needs to be different, it needs to change.. i need to lose 10 lbs, have a flowing loving intimate partnership, have a stable financial situation, eat healthy, this person needs to be different, they need to love me more, include me, help me, support me..
it goes on and on..
So goes the endless effort to get all the stuff you think you need, health, career, family, financial stability, to be kind, compassionate, loving, generous, etc.. to be all these positive things and not be the negative ones, to feel all these positive feelings and avoid the negative.. the endless game of avoiding, replacing and indulging all of our stories about who we are and what's happening and what needs to change..
I've learned that the point of meditation, sitting quietly, pausing throughout the day, taking short moments to notice the vast open intelligence ... is to just let everything be as it is.. whatever thought arises.. whatever the feeling of the moment is.. whatever situation or circumstance is here, traffic, financial calapse, not feeling well, criticism, anger, boredom, inadequacy, fear.... what if you just take a minute to relax, yes your head may be screaming.. but he did this, she said that, i feel this, it's intolerable, what am i going to do??
Spiritual awakening, clarity, having a psychic change.. all of these refer to this profound shift where suddenly we see everything differently, we are not our story, our body, our history or our circumstances, things are not what they seem to be. This new pair of glasses... from the view of awareness changes everything, our very orientation, all our definitions, all our assessments, what we do, why we do what we do, how we see everything..
This new view allows us to see and know the essence of everything, what is at the basis of all that appears, the substance of all form, all data, all points of view.. at the basis of all of this is this stable, vast open spacious intelligence.
Imagine noticing that all the time? in the midst of all thoughts, feelings, sensations and experiences there is this stable openness, this innate intelligence, this fundamental well being.. everything comes from this.. Imagine if you knew.. that there was this stable clarity that appears as upset, frustration, anger, fear, confusion, pain... all of these were just names for clarity, open intelligence, presence.. then whatever arises.. you could let it be, you could relax, wide open perception, stable .. and from that vantage innate wisdom could naturally express in whatever way was optimal in the moment..
We have a choice in what we commit ourselves to.. we can take a short moment to pause, relax, see clearly, come back to that vantage point where we are fully aware of the truth in each expression, perceive reality, know clearly what is at the basis of every thought, feeling and experience.. or we can continue to indulge the conditioned perception, judge by appearance, live from this very limited idea of what we are and seek endlessly for our well being, ignoring our fundamental nature that is well being itself.. we have a choice.. we do.. we can always commit to realizing what we always and already are.. and we can train up in the recognition of this awareness... we have simply forgotten, but we can remember... remember..