"the solution" is the same no matter what the "situation"is

It's amazing how "the solution" is the same no matter what the "situation"is..

Just thinking about all the calls and texts this I got this week.

Here's the summary - how do I deal with all my resentments about my mother, they are hurting me? How do I connect with my daughter so she will talk to me, I want to offer her greater support? What can I do to deal with this fear I have about my finances? What can I do about how closed I feel sexually, how can I be more open? How can I be more confident, my business and relationships are suffering because of my self doubt and lack of self confidence? What can I do to reconnect with my spouse, we are bickering constantly and it's driving my crazy.                          

It's the same response to all of these.. stop thinking for a moment, relax and come into your body. notice what is here now, allow what is here to be here fully and meet it with love, acceptance, & tenderness, over and over and over again....  

In dropping into the body, noticing sensations, we drop out of the busy busy mind with all of it's opinions.. you can Find Your Center, find your ground.                                            

The solution is to NOT to think more, talk about our thoughts  more, analyze or try to figure it out. The solution is to rest as awareness, come back to your Self, this ground of being, really present with ourselves, this is where we find our wisdom, our clarity, our sanity.

To live from your center, grounded in yourself, in the dedication to this practice of bringing our awareness back to this moment and relaxing. Committing oneself to radical approval of what is.... is the way to go, noticing that we are the openness and relaxing more and more into this.. in this practice we find contentment with life as it is.. AND the inspiration to live from our fullness, in our highest expression, of the highest benefit to ourselves and others!

Hitting Bottom.. it's a gift!

One of the greatest tools I've received from a few different spiritual teachings I've been involved with is to be willing to take my "own inventory" and disregard the "other" person's flaws or wrong doing entirely. To put my full attention on what is arising in me and to take full responsibility for my own experience.

I got the same message from Non Violent Communication training and many other empowering communication teachings. Practice making "I" statements, look at "my" part, what am I doing specifically that is contributing to my own pain, misery and suffering. 

This "shift" to focus on myself is a process and something I've had to commit to fully over and over. It's a complete 180 from what I learned growing up which was to blame, point the finger, indulge stories of how others were falling short and therefore deflect and ultimately "manage" the disappointment and pain I felt around not being loved, valued, met, seen or cherished by others.

I know that for me, the judgments I've had about "others" (especially those that I've most wanted to love me, accept me, approve of me, include me) come from this very young part of me, the part that feels that it "needs" this love, approval, care taking in order to survive. The hurt and at times devastation I have felt when I've felt rejected, unloved, not taken care of, etc. has seemed to take me over and I've developed a pattern of moving away from, trying to numb out, avoiding this pain at all costs. 

At some point I got really clear that the ways I tried to avoid the pain did not work anymore, I could not drink it away, smoke it away, eat it away, shop it away, blame it away. I may have been able to bury the hurt for a time, but it always arose again, and I began to see that my avoidance of these afflictions actually seemed to fuel them.

I experienced this as "unmanageability" in my life and it showed up everywhere, in my relationships, finances, with my family, in intimacy, with my kids and with myself. I was at war with myself, resisting what I felt I could not handle, seeking my well being and contentment in my relationships and always being let down and disappointed. Afflictive thoughts, painful feelings, and challenging experiences and my inability to "manage" these when they arose brought me to a desperate state.  

I've actually found myself in this place many times over the past 22 years. I'd call it "hitting bottom", physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Each of these "bottoms" has opened me up in different ways, cracked me open, helped me to see things and given me clarity. Ultimately I've needed to face myself, to face everything, to take full responsibility and to "open myself up fully" to life and ultimately to discover that the "opening" is how I discover the depth and fullness that I am. 

Eventually I could see that "all the experiences of life" are gifts (even the most afflictive) in disguise, they are "for" me, in that they are here to open me to mySelf, to help me to discover my own ground, my innate stability that is always available but I'd not known before.

Facing the greatest challenges in my own life has given me the ability to have an unshakable serenity in the face of any calamity. 

This is an invitation to face yourself, discover yourself, meet yourSelf, show up for yourself. I've walked this path and I can provide guidance and encouragement for you to do the same. Where ever you are in your journey to discover your wholeness, your ground, your peace, your life satisfaction. I'm here to illuminate the next few steps, to offer clarity and perspective, to point your back to your power, to reinforce your capacity to face what's here, to cheer you along and offer you the direct benefit of my own experience. 

So I'm wondering, what's up for you now, what specifically you are struggling with, where do you feel stuck, and if you know, what's the story you are running. What are you struggling with, what is a major judgment (story) you have about "someone" who you think has hurt you? What's a pattern in your life that is not serving you? What would you like to let go of?

You can post here or email me at presencecoach@gmail.com and I'll address questions at https://www.facebook.com/DropYourStoryStartYourLife

You can also find out about how to find your own liberation here http://www.fromyourcenter.com/coaching

Find your contentment here.. here... here..

I took my kids to the Boulder Film Festival today and we saw the firm "Little World". It's a true story about 20 year old Albert who travels the world with no money in a wheel chair,. He's been traveling for 5 years since he was 15, following his passion to travel and roam in the biggest adventure he can imagine by meeting people along the way who offer rides, food, lodging and companionship. Every day he explores just what he can do with no money of his own. It's remarkable how he is provided for and he is always content with what shows up. He is always naturally finding something to be grateful for! My experience is that this appreciation is both a practice as well as the natural expression of being aligned with your truth, your hearts desire, reality itself.

Alberts life message is that you've got to do what you love, do what makes you happy and be happy with what you do!  His commitment and perseverance to take each next step of the journey and enjoy it all is inspiring.  He is fearless and never complaining, criticizing, blaming or making anyone or anything wrong!

This is the exact commitment I've made and it's transformed my life.

I came to this commitment because I had deeply explored blame, criticism, making others wrong and the result was that I felt awful, like a victim of life and totally disempowered. These ways that I was resisting life ( blame, criticism and making others wrong) and not taking responsibility for my own well being (in my belief that others could bring me well being or take it from me) became a habit that I felt trapped by.

Gratefully we come to reality or realization through desperation or through inspiration, and I seem to have this incredible commitment to truth and growth which is forever clarifying and illuminating my misunderstandings.

Reality seems to keep coming back for itself, truth is unrelenting in clarifying what's actually happening and what actually works. In a moment of clarity, I made this commitment to remember who I am, to find my center and to live from that center rather than complaining and criticizing and indulging the story about what's wrong.

It's like I just got into the habit of driving down blame lane, cruising along complaint corner, focused on  "what I thought was wrong" highway. Through the practice of remembering who I really am, acknowledging my true nature, consciously keeping myself in the flow of what is by not resisting, I just naturally spent less time with these habits until I felt released.

I started to notice that i was just "accepting life" more, fighting less, resisting less, going with the flow and enjoying myself and naturally feeling more empowered and of greater service to myself and those around me. When my kids would "act up"(refuse to cooperate), I felt this growing capacity to see them for who they really are and I saw that I had so many options to respond with love and tenderness. When disturbing thoughts or feelings arose, I could just relax and feel this stable ground under me and I noticed that I did not have to be swept away by my stories and create drama about what I was thinking of feeling. I could pause, relax and notice what was here when I was still and not distracted by thoughts.

I discovered that by allowing what is, by bringing myself into agreement with what was happening, I continued to be in the flow of life. By not resisting what was arising, both internally and externally I found that I had a greater capacity to stay open to the infinite creative and wise responses and ability to contribute in a kind, loving and respectful way.

Kids are really quick at moving through things, they may have really big surges of feelings, but 10 min later it's gone with no residue. They can have a fight, hit each other, call each other awful names and 10 minutes later, run off and play together with no residue of what transpired just minutes before. They live in now, they feel what they feel and if allowed express what's up for them, it releases and they move on. They are much more easily in the flow of life, less conditioned, more present, less encumbered.

We all have access to this for the "unconditioned" presence as it is actually what we all are at our essence. This neutral open ground that underlies all of the descriptions that we normally layer on what we are is where we find our natural contentment. Not content because we are getting what we want, or have what we think we need or we like our circumstances, but content because we are in awareness of who we really are, what our actual capacities are. This contentment is available in all circumstances, however we feel, what ever thoughts are arising, whatever circumstances are present. This is the ground of being and it's here, here, here..

Love to hear how you are recognizing this..

Opening to what is already always here.. the end of seeking for well being

The search for freedom, it can be a long and arduous road indeed. Most of us are sold a bill of goods from the time we are very young about what we need to "do" to have a happy and fulfilled life. My story was something like this, go to school and get good grades, go to college, get a career making a lot of money, buy a house and find a man, then you'll be happy. 

I've spent a lot of time and energy seeking fulfillment, chasing after my dream, accomplishing and achieving, making money and seeking acknowledgment from those I respected. Of course sometimes it came and other times not so much, what became more and more clear was that I could not create a lasting fulfillment and well being for myself. I was not free, I was in deep bondage, I was seeking my well being in relationships, substances, experiences, acquiring, education and it was spotty at best. Being on the search for fulfillment, thinking that it is "out there" and "only in these circumstances and not in others" is exhausting and endless! That's the "search" that goes on forever because there is no end to the seeking, there is always more to seek and never a finding that really lasts. All relationships change over time, careers change, totally fulfilling experiences change, what was at one time satisfying can become boring, no matter how much money, education, acknowledgment you get there is something in us that is insatiable, always wants more or different so the seeking never ends.. 

In the midst of this very ambitious drive to squeeze all the vibrancy out of life that I could, I also thankfully had this spiritual thirst wake up in me. As a child I felt very connected to life, guided, inspired, very alive inside of myself. This still small voice inside of me started whispering to me, reminding me of this rich resource that later I discovered within my very own being. Many years later I am still discovering this endless supply of brilliant aliveness that is actually the life that I am. The animating life force that is this life called JoAnne, it's me, I'm the one I've been looking for. 

It's been an amazing discovery that I don't have to look for what I already am, I'm already that! I've just been asleep to this open intelligence that is within me and in awakening to this clarity that I am, the search for well being is over. 

What if this total freedom and well being is right here right now and all one has to "do" is to relax and let everything be as it is. No need to avoid or indulge any particular thoughts, feelings or experiences, rather we can just relax as awareness and let it all be. In that relaxation we can open up to the fullness that we already are.  This is "the work" to develop a daily practice of taking short moments to simply rest and remember, to find my center and then to live from this place of clarity and well being.  

What to do instead of diving into the story..

When is the last time you were excited about spending time with your friend or lover and they were either unavailable to distracted or just not showing up the way you had hoped? What's the result? You feel hurt, disappointed, angry? This happened to me last night, I showed up, made myself available and the other person was not available, apparently they did not get my internal memo and there I was left with my expectation. Well I felt the disappointment that's for sure, but I did not sulk, I did not dive into a story about how I wanted or needed the other person to stop what they were doing and make time for me, I did not get a resentment, I took a breath instead and took care of myself. Wow! 
I've spent so much of my life trying to get what I want, trying to get others to do what I wanted, go where I wanted, act like I wanted, give me what I wanted. It's exhausting I tell ya.. 

To develop this practice of relaxing when you get triggered and pause and go within to that quiet inner space of contentment and well being that is always available if only we can take 100% responsibility for our own experience. To have total clarity that we can empower ourselves by relying on our own inner presence of love whenever we can remember to do so. This is liberation!

What a revelation.. to have this clarity over and over.. My hurt, disappointment and resentments result directly from my expectations and not from what happens or does not happen. This is so liberating and allows me to drop all blame and habits of thinking that others need to be different for me to be happy. I can be peaceful and content in my realization of the presence of God, presence, love. When I can realize this loving presence is always here than truly I am not in lack. Then I can relax and let things be as they are, however I feel or whatever I think, the well being is always on. This is the key taking 100% responsibility for my own well being, no one can give it to me and no one can take it away. It's a big bonus too if I can remember to not take things personally, people do what they do, they show up or they don't, they are available for love and connection or they are not, they are sensitive and caring or they are not, but irregardless of what others do or don't do I can find my own ground, my own stability, my own well being.. then I'm truly free!

You are a hero!!

Do you feel like a hero? Do you see yourself as one.. well I'm here to tell
you that indeed you are!
I've been watching the tv show Heroes lately, underneath the entertainment
& drama there are some powerful messages I hear being voiced.

-We are special, we all have "special abilities", special gifts that set us 
apart and our "job" is to recognize this and use our abilities to serve 
and help others. When we are doing this it does not feel like work, we are
energized and inspired, not depleted.

-We are innately beneficial, we are here to benefit ourselves and others
(I've learned from my spiritual community) and nothing feels better than
this! I felt this strongly as a child, that I was very special, gifted, here for
something big, here to help and contribute!

-It's vital to have support & a community of others who recognize
their gifts and responsibility to know themselves fully and who "get that
we are innately beneficial" and we are here on the planet to benefit 
ourselves and to be of benefit to others!

-We have an opportunity to keep asking ourselves, "Who Am I really?"  
It's so easy to get caught up in the "limited descriptions" of who we 
think we are and the labels (I'm good because of this or I'm bad cause of that).
This is a detour away from the full realization of this dive into the question
"who am I' - and asking the question over and over, taking a moment to pause
and relax and reflect, is a way into discovering our infinite essence and the
capacity to see that what we are- is this awareness .. that is aware of 
everything but not contained fully in any particular description.

Asking the question is a moment to pause.. it is an invitation to rest as this
awareness and come to know ourselves as this.. (ok I'm going a bit beyond
what the message is from the tv show).

-what we discover when we keep asking the question "who am I"  
or "what do I really want" and focusing more on the deep asking is 
an infinite expansion and unending discovery into the divine essence 
of what we really are..  and who we are here to serve.

We are all heroes, we are all special, we are all empowered and have
access to this internalcapacity to know ourselves and access this wisdom
and clarity within. We have a choice in each moment to focus on this 
clarity of what we truly are (and to be supported by others doing the same)
rather than in the endless "drama" of the descriptions and stories of the happenings.

We have a choice to realize what we really are.. and to be guided from and live
from this realization.. Or we can go on getting caught up in all the descriptions,
the rights and the wrongs, the judgments, the opinions, the drama, and the result
is to be constantly distracted away (forgetting) from what we are really here to do..

Have you discovered your Super Power? Your very own Self?
I'd love to hear about it..

love and blessings,
JoAnne

in deep appreciation and acknowledgement of all the colors of life..

Listening to an amazing book with my kids, The Giver, I read it in 7th grade I think.

What rich dialogue we are having, this is the beauty of homeschooling and I'm cherishing this time with my boys.

A story about one solution to eliminate pain, suffering, war, violence, death, all the sorrow of life.. the cost for this is called "sameness" and it is the elimination of joy, love, nature, color, variety and individuality and choices.. but here's the catch.. the people in this culture don't know what they are missing..

One boy in the story is selected at age 12 to have this special job, to hold the memories of the past for the whole community. No one in this community chooses their own job, or their own spouse, or their children. They are given a job, based on their interests at age 12 for life. They request a spouse and children, they live with a spouse for the time of raising children and then they go to live with childless adults, they don't have sex, they take a pill to suppress these extreme feelings. All of this is governed by the rules, if they break the rules, they are disciplined and if it continues they are released. Jonas our main character is selected to be the holder of all the memories of the past, memories of all the things that the culture has taken away to offer a world of safety, predictability, sameness. As he is given the memories one by one, he learns about and experiences for the first time -weather, snow, animals, war, death, suffering, he learns that "release" (what they do to those who break the rules, people who get sick and even babies who won't sleep through the night) is actually kill them and he suffers greatly.

As Jonas's eyes are opened, of course he chooses free choice, life with pain and color, reality rather than lying and having ones emotions cut off, he chooses to feel it all!

As I listened to the story when he actually sees color for the first time, sees a bird, clouds.. he is in awe..

I started to ask myself .. how often am I in awe of the colors of life? all of the colors? in awe?

The sad news is that when I am caught up in my thoughts, my pain, my story, my limitation -like the culture where there are no real deep feelings, I don't notice the beauty of life, the color, the vibrance, the incredible aliveness of each moment. I don't notice the perfection of all of life because I am caught up in the limited descriptions and intense but ultimately passing experiences. These endless stories of what's what, how i feel, what i think, what's wrong, how much i hurt, who hurt me.. these stories are like the pills to make the urges go away, they cut me off from the vibrancy of life, give me a half life, seem to cut me off from the infinite expression of what I truly am. In this moment I choose again to be in awe to all the colors of life, to wake up to what's amazing, being alive, feeling it all, staring at the blue sky and knowing absolutely that the vast infinite sky is a mirror of the what I am .. opening to the expanse that I am.. open, resting and smiling.