with a current living situation.. living in community..
I feel so unappreciated he said. no matter what i do, how much i do..
these people in my life do not appreciate me, take me for granted, don't love me.
how i relate to this, it's been a reoccurring theme in my life, striving to do more,
give more, work more, meet others needs, etc... in hopes that some expression
of appreciation would make me feel whole, complete and perfect... forever.
What a set up, on so many levels.. projecting my sense of worth out onto others,
abdicating my responsibility to choose for myself what my identity is, bathing in
the confusing that my identity and value are dependent on my efforts, the results
of my efforts, others perception of my efforts and the results of those efforts..
It is clear that this is our conditioning.. practically from birth we are evaluated,
compared, judged, graded and told who we are, how we should be, what is "good"
and "bad", what we should value.... and love and approval are seemingly contingent
on how well we manage to conform and perform.
It is deeply ingrained in us that somehow our fundamental well being, our worth, our
value is dependent on the perceptions and opinions of others and ourselves..
especially authority figures or those who seems to have power over us. It's chasing a
moving target, if I do this and not that, I'll be good, valuable.. if i make this work,
stay married, raise these kinds of kids, I am successful.. if not... well I'm not...
chasing this valuable identity, feeling alternately good about this part of myself and bad about that part.
Continuous stream of labeling, evaluating, describing.. listening to this stream of data and commentary, believing it to be REALITY,
taking action based on our assessments...it's pure insanity.
it goes on forever and well being, peace, stability are never found in any lasting way.
have you noticed??
It is internal oppression, a self imposed straight jacket, the worst kind of oppression
because we don't know we are in it - to believe that this limited contingent idea is what
we actually are, it's a form of insanity that almost everyone is suffering from. So to deal with
this, we search for relief, striving or giving up, overachieving or drowning ourselves in addictions, numbing out, distracting ourselves, avoiding, indulging, trying to fix..
What if there is another choice? Rather than focusing on how others aren't giving me the love,
approval, recognition, support that I "need" ...
what if I am able to take 100% responsibility for accessing and recognizing what I truly am, my innate well being, my beneficial nature.... reality?
We can choose again, we can wake up from the idea of what we are, this conditioned overlay of lacking, limited and powerless, we can stop thinking for just a moment and notice what's actually here, this vast open spacious intelligence, this is our true reality.
This can become our practice, daily, when ever we remember. Prioritize and emphasize reality.
To stop the preoccupation with the stream of descriptions, to stop and relax and open to what is here, not in avoidance of what appears but in the actual experience itself, in the thought, feeling or situation.. no longer do we need to avoid, protect or indulge and get lost in the experience.. no more getting lost in the experience!
The reality of what we are is not in need of anything, it is not a victim to any thought, feeling, sensation or experience. It opposes nothing, It is naturally beneficial, innately stable mentally and emotionally.
Because this is what we are, it is always here, always available, awaiting our recognition and reliance. This is liberation, this is what we all want, to simply be what we are, to see clearly, to be beneficial and committed to harmony and unity in all our relating.
What a gift to be on this journey, to experience this liberation and to grow daily in reliance and recognition of reality.
Love to hear about your experiences with recognizing this reality in yourself..
much love
joanne
